Getting that daycare incident report that says your toddler biting at daycare is the worst feeling. I felt embarrassed, worried, and guilty all at once. Is my kid the biter? Or is my kid getting hurt?
Teacher told me 70 percent of toddlers go through a biting phase between 18 and 30 months. It is not aggression. It is no words yet.
1. If Your Toddler Is Biting
Do not punish or bite back. That makes toddler biting at daycare worse.
At home do this. When you see he is about to bite because he is mad or wants a toy, say teeth are for food, not friends, and give him something he CAN bite. Teething toy or cold washcloth. Same words every time. Same calm voice.
Teachers use shadow technique. They stay one step behind your child for 3 days to catch the moment before bite.
2. If Your Toddler Is Getting Bitten
It is not your fault and it is not daycare fault. Ask teacher 3 questions. Where does it happen, when does it happen, what happens right before.
Most biting happens at same place, same time, same trigger. Overtired, hungry, waiting for turn. Once you know trigger, you can prevent.
3. What Teachers Do That Parents Miss
They never give big reaction. No gasp, no scream. Big reaction equals big reward for toddler brain.
They say ouch, biting hurts, then give all attention to the child who was bitten. The biter learns biting does not get attention, it loses attention.
4. What to Practice at Home for 5 Minutes a Day
Toddler biting at daycare often means they have no words for I want that or I need space.
Practice at home with dolls. Show bite, show hurt, show use words or point. Role play gentle hands. Do it 5 minutes before dinner when everyone is cranky. That is when brain learns best.
5. When to Worry
Most biting stops by 3 years when language comes. Talk to pediatrician if biting is daily after 3 and half, if he bites himself too, or if he does not care at all when other child cries.
For most of us, it is just a phase. Ugly phase, but normal.
Bottom Line
If your toddler biting at daycare note came home today, breathe. You are not raising a bully. Your child is learning how to be around other kids with no words yet.
Try the same words for 7 days at home. Teeth are for food, not friends. It stopped for us on day 6.
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